Dark periods can take up years of our lives and suck all the energy out of our hearts and souls. Hopefully during that time, we found healing, we moved forward, we’ve done our work, we self-reflected, we conquered our demons, we faced our fears and slowly, very slowly, we started to see the sun again.
My period of darkness and struggle was after my divorce and the subsequent fallout of lost relationships that occurred over the following years. I withdrew, I pulled inward and cocooned myself into a safe place where I could heal and hopefully not experience any more pain. I experienced six years of the see-saw pattern of withdrawal and emergence, followed by more withdrawal and emergence. Each healing phase had its own level of pain and healing to go through. It was my journey, my karma, I guess. I knew that if I didn’t learn what I needed to learn and change what I needed to change and recognize my role in all of it that it would continue to happen again and again in my life, until I did get it. I had heard once that God will whisper quietly in your ear and each time he is ignored the louder he gets until finally a safe falls on your head. I really didn’t want the safe to fall on my head, but pianos did! LOL! I was inspired to work harder, dig deeper, accept the pain and prayed for healing and guidance and the wisdom to recognize it. With the help of an incredible therapist and the support of some important people in my life I have been able to crest mountains and break through the clouds. The sun is peaking through and shining the way for me for the next leg of my soul’s journey. But what is that to look like? I have grown almost “comfortable” in my invisible withdrawn cocoon place and walking out into the sun, feels good yes, but also feels scary. It means I will be seen. And what will be seen? Me?
Who am I?
My husband, Steve, answered that question for me on Christmas morning when he gave me a book to read entitled “You are a Badass”. LOL! He then said, “You will be. I know it.”.