The past three days I have been lost in an old/new passion. Steve and I started an online digital art class that has reignited the fire in me to create digital art. I have taken several classes in digital art in the past and most of my published works are digital pieces. But this class is introducing new techniques and has brought back inspiration and motivation. I have been waiting a very long time to feel this feeling again. Yesterday I was completely consumed by it and reluctantly pulled myself away from creating to eat, to go to the bathroom and then ultimately to go to bed (yes, I said to eat…anyone who knows me now sees how serious I was). Even as I tried to fall asleep I was thinking about the project I was working on and what I would do next. Upon waking, it was the first thing I thought about. I jumped out of bed and got right back into my project. If I didn’t have a moment of frustration where I knew I had to walk away, I probably would still not be showered. Now that is passion! What glory to see you again, my friend!
To feel passion is so hard when you are in the swamp of darkness. Maybe it isn’t even possible, I don’t know. But for me I haven’t felt my creative passion in years. I did create some art during these times, but it was forced and momentarily pleasant to work on. I’m not sure I created anything good because I didn’t feel the happiness flow through my whole being. I didn’t feel the tirelessness and timelessness that I experienced these past couple days. What’s interesting too, is that I am not sure what if anything will happen with this piece I’ve created. It may become something, it may not. But the process was so enjoyable that I am completely satisfied with just experiencing that feeling again.
My passion has always been for art, drawing and writing. I used to write stories, illustrate them and turn them into little stapled books as a little girl. I dreamt of being a famous artist after studying in Paris. I always had this but some people still don’t know what their passion is. I read somewhere that when searching for your passion, you should think about anything that you do now where you lose track of time and get completely lost in the activity. If nothing comes to mind, then to think about what you did as a child over and over again, tirelessly and annoyingly to everyone around you. What were you most interested in then? More than likely you are still interested in it, or something like it. Begin your search there and then have patience with your emergent journey. You have to have free space in your heart for your passion to reawaken. A fire needs oxygen otherwise it is snuffed out and suffocated. The same goes for passion. It can be suffocated by the darkness, the grief, the depression. When you begin to walk away from this dark place, space will open up in your heart and prepare for a new fire to warm you from the inside.
I’m so grateful that this week I had enough space in my heart for my passion to reignite. Welcome back sweet fiery passion, settle in, stay awhile. I missed you.