[If this is your first time reading my Adoption Story, it is a fascinating journey told in pieces. For your best experience, start from the beginning at: Adoptee with a Note]
The time spent waiting for a response from Angela was brutal. I sent my husband, Steve, to the mailbox everyday as I was too nervous about what would be in there. Tina and I communicated almost daily, and I learned more and more about the Verde family. Tina had become very important to me and I had already concluded, that if nothing else happened, I was extremely grateful to have connected with her! I would be happy with that alone. Tina is a lovely, sweet, kind, intelligent woman and she had welcomed me with open arms and a compassionate heart. She was all in. And so was I.
One day, about three weeks after I sent the letter, Steve walked in from the mailbox holding a manila envelope. Based on the look on his face, I knew this was what I was waiting for and my heart pounded in my chest. I took the envelope and recognized the return address as Angela’s. I looked at the handwritten address on the front and felt the sting of tears rise in my eyes. This had been written by my mother! I held it forever, just staring at it, until Steve said, “Well aren’t you going to open it?”
I peered inside the manila envelope and my heart sunk into my stomach with a thud. Inside was the pink envelope I had sent my letter in. And nothing more. I removed the pink envelope. It had been opened. Inside the envelope was my letter. I removed the letter just enough to confirm that it was my letter and I put it back. My disappointment was overwhelming, and my heart was split in two. I set it down and Steve hugged me as disappointment began to engulf me. “Did she write anything on it?”, he asked. Well, I hadn’t looked for anything.
I removed the letter again and scanned it. Sure enough, at the end, where my signature was, there was some scrawled words:
I didn’t take a DNA test.
What a shock.
So sorry for you! Good luck
I stood in complete awe. This was the response I got from my letter? Really? Even if I had it wrong, wouldn’t she write something a little more compassionate? Wouldn’t she genuinely wish me luck on my journey with something more than that? And “So sorry for me??” WTF??? I felt rage build up in me overpowering the sadness. Why is she feeling sorry for me?! I don’t want her pity! There is nothing to feel pity about here. As I put the letter away. I looked up at Steve and said something like “Holy Shit”.
But now, I knew something for sure. This response confirmed 100% in my mind that I found my birth mother and that it was Angela. No one else would have responded in such a defensive bizarre way.
Over the next few days, after thinking and discussing it with Steve and Tina, I realized how completely full of fear Angela was at being found. My hurt melted into compassion for her and her situation. I know my letter opened deep painful wounds long forgotten. I decided to let my letter be a seed. Maybe one day it will grow, maybe it wouldn't.
Besides, I had my beloved cousin Tina. It was time for a face to face visit with my new cousin.